cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
