i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
