did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.