yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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