I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize