he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dick very happy bro
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
