i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
