if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
