I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
