Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
