you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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