Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
