i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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