mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
