you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
