I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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