I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Couch. On fire.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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