YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
