I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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