So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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