one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
