I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
