if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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