I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
