i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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