I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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