Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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