I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
