1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she told me i tasted like america
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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