If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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