Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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