remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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