the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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