Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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