In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
