Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
