There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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