she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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