i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
porn star boner night. come get it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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