in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
