yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
