I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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