wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize