At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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