I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
