I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
