atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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