You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
