So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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