How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
