if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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