Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
