Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
