I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
