i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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