I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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