just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
