All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
