Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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