im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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