You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
