operation have a gay friend backfired
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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