Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
