she woke up with a sticky ear
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
