I can text with my tongue
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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